My Baptism Testimony

I know this may come as a shock to some of you (and not to others), but I am getting baptized. I know I have told many of you in the past that I was saved at 3 and baptized at 4. The only problem is that, I have no recollection of either my salvation or my baptism. As far back as I can remember, I’ve believed Jesus was the Son of God, wanted Him in my life, and had repented of my sins. However, as far back as I can remember only goes up until the age of 7. That is my first definite memory of being concerned with spiritual matters and knowing I was saved. Why is that memory important? Baptism doesn’t save. Believing in Christ and confessing Him as Lord does (Romans 10:9-13).The Bible teaches repentance (salvation) first, then baptism. Acts 8:36-38 alludes to that as do other passages of Scripture(Acts 13:24,Mark 16:16). Repentance and baptism go hand in hand. Baptism is a person identifying himself as belonging to Christ. Romans 6:4 speaks of our intention to “walk in newness of life”. It’s stating we are done with our old ways and our old life. We are now Christ’s and He has given us new life. 1 Peter 3:21 states it as now having a “good conscience towards God”. What does that mean? I think John Gill explains it better than I can in his commentary:

“but the answer of a good conscience towards God;
the Vulgate Latin renders it, "the interrogation of a good conscience"; referring, it may be, to the
interrogations that used to be put to those who desired baptism; as, dost thou renounce Satan? dost thou believe in Christ? see ( Acts 8:36 Acts 8:37 ) , others render it, "the stipulation of a good conscience"; alluding also to the ancient custom of obliging those that were baptized to covenant and agree to live an holy life and conversation, to renounce the devil and all his works, and the pomps and vanities of this world; and baptism does certainly lay an obligation on men to walk in newness of life; see ( Romans 6:4 Romans 6:5 ) , the Ethiopic version renders it, "confession of God"; and to this the Syriac version agrees, rendering it, "confessing God with a pure conscience"; for, to baptism, profession of faith in Christ, and of the doctrine of Christ in a pure conscience, is requisite; and in baptism persons make a public confession of God, and openly put on Christ before men: the sense seems plainly this; that then is baptism rightly performed, and its end answered, when a person, conscious to himself of its being an ordinance of Christ, and of his duty to submit to it, does do so upon profession of his faith in Christ, in obedience to his command, and "with" a view to his glory; in doing which he discharges a good conscience towards God: and being thus performed, it saves,”

Why am I emphasizing this part of having a “good conscience towards God?”
As far back as I can remember I have also been struggling with a specific debilitating sin. At times it almost had complete control. I had doubted my salvation and had to pray many times since for Christ to save me if He hadn’t already. I had repented of the sin many times. However, it was never wholeheartedly. There was always some small part of me I wanted to hold back. While this was going on, I sensed a constant nagging (which I believe was the Holy Spirit), of not being able to remember my baptism. Every time I attended a baptism I would feel slightly envious. “I wish I could remember my baptism” I would think.
Baptism is an important declaration of your belief in Christ. It’s showing you mean business and that you’re giving your life to Christ. It’s the first command that Christians are to obey. If I hadn’t obeyed Christ’s first command for a new Christian, might that not be the reason I struggled with obedience in many other areas and a lack of assurance? I believe it played a part.
I didn’t come to this line of thought until after I’d already decided to give myself to Christ wholeheartedly. I had a spiritual “panic attack” of sorts and didn’t want to live the rest of my life the way I was. A Christian who never gives himself wholly to Christ can never be wholly filled with joy. After I took steps to rid myself of the sin permanently, the thought came back in full force that I ought to be baptized. Once you start cleaning house, you find more areas that need help! This was a big issue I decided need remedying.
I’d rationalized in the past that since I was most probably saved (since it was as far back as I could remember), that I didn’t need to be baptized again. If only I just KNEW I wasn’t saved then. That kind of reasoning no longer worked for me. I didn’t KNOW. I didn’t have a “good conscience towards Christ”. And that was the point. I know now I belong to Christ and I wish everyone to know and to be wholly obedient.
I’m working on setting a date for my baptism. When I do, I’ll let you all know. :-)